


Forgiveness

by mayawrites95 (mayarox95)



Series: A Light In The Darkness [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, Kylo Ren Redemption, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Redemption, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 04:19:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13068990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayarox95/pseuds/mayawrites95
Summary: Leia and Ben have a talk while he's awaiting his trial.





	Forgiveness

He’s been locked up for three days, and if Ben didn’t think he was going crazy before, he definitely felt it now.

He knew Rey tried to visit as often as she could, but he could hardly fault her for having other responsibilities and things to attend to. She couldn’t be expected to spend all her time in the tiny cell with him. After all, it was he who was the war criminal, not she.

But still, it was nice having her presence in here with him, having her sit by his side, as she read him stories from her favourite books, or told him about her days on Jakku. For a planet so dull and menial, she had several adventures as she tried to get her rations by selling off parts of her ship. She told him about the scavengers she worked with and the tales they told her of the battles between the Empire and the Republic. How she had believed it all to be a story, as for all she could ever remember was that horrid planet. It was hard for her, he knew, to think of life on other planets and how it would be to witness one filled with more beauty and glory than the one she was on.

He vowed to himself, as he heard that, that if he ever got out of the cell and was pardoned, then he would take her to every planet on the galaxy to let her experience the beauty. Not just because he wanted her to be able to see it, but because he wanted to witness her reaction when she did.

He’s in the cell for his third day before Leia shows up. She looks pained at the sight of him, and it breaks his heart to see his mother that way. He knows she’s recovering from being in space after the attack, and while he’s grateful not have been the one to pull the trigger to destroy the bridge of the ship, he’s horrified that it was his team that did that to her.

She looks older now, than she did before he left. Not that he had seen much of her even before his fall to the Dark Side. In the time before then, he had spent his late teen years with his uncle, but even before that, his mother was always busy governing as a Senator to be by his side.

He wonders if it was him who caused his mother all that grief.

“Ben,” she murmured softly, as she entered the cell. If anything, the guard looks even more hesitant to let her in than Rey.

“Mother,” he said, keeping his voice steady to the best of his ability. He’s sitting on the bed, and she sat beside him. She cupped his face and he can’t help but feel the warmth of it, the love in the action.

“I missed you,” she said softly. “Thank you, for coming home.”

“How?” he asked, voice cracking slightly. “How could you miss me after everything I had done? After I killed all those people, did all those things? After I killed my own Father? I’m a monster,”

She looked pained at that, but she did not pull away, “You did,” she said softly, “But that does not make you any less my son. It doesn’t make what you did right, Ben, but the fact that you feel so guilty about it means you know what you did was wrong. It’s what tells me that you are not a monster, that there is still good inside of you. You wouldn’t have come back if you didn’t want to be here.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice breaking. “I wanted to take Father’s offer when he showed up, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough. He was making me doubt everything. All I wanted to do was turn my back on it all and come home.”

“Why didn’t you?” she asked him gently.

“I couldn’t,” he admitted, “I was scared. That you wouldn’t want me back. Not after everything that had happened.

“I’m sorry too, Ben,” she said softly, and he looked at her. “I should have been there more for you as a child. I should have made you my top priority, and not the New Republic. It was so close to after the war, and I needed to be sure I was there for my people, to help it rebuild. So that the galaxy never fell to that same turmoil that I had grown up in. I didn’t want that for you. But instead I made you feel alone. I could sense the darkness in you, but I tried to ignore it. Or I hoped that Luke would be better suited for dealing with it. I should have stepped in, and made sure you knew how loved you were. How much I cared for you.”

She pulls him into a tight hug, and he can’t help but take comfort in her embrace. He wonders how his life would have been like, if only he had managed to keep Snoke out of his head. If he had told Uncle Luke or anyone that he was having doubts, instead of wallowing in them like he did.

“What happens now?” he asked, verbalizing the fear he held for the last few days. He didn’t know what she would say, and in all honesty, he was terrified.

“You face trial in the morning,” she told him softly. “Against the Leaders of the Resistance. They’ll sentence you to a fate.”

“Will you be on that panel?” he asked, unsure.

“I will,” she confirmed, “But my vote is biased and won’t hold that much weight. Speak to them Ben. You cannot have your actions forgotten, but they may be forgiven. You were a child who had been manipulated. A child who ran from the Jedi when he was afraid his uncle would kill him. You might have done terrible things, but at the end of the day, you killed Snoke. You brought down the greatest threat we’ve faced since Palpatine. The First Order will fall, it’s only a matter of time now.”

He nodded softly, and she stroked his hair. “Your friend Rey will speak for you too. She’s to explain what happened from her view.”

He felt himself grow slightly warm at her name, and he prayed his mother didn’t notice.

“She’s a good one, so full of fight and light. She hasn’t been crushed by the weight of war. She reminds me of your Uncle Luke, when I first met him; so ready to jump into danger, without thinking of the consequences.”

“She’s brave,” he offered.

“That she is,” his mother smiled.

There’s a knock on the door just then, and the guard is signalling Leia. He knows she must leave, and he feels his chest pang slightly. She stood, and kissed his forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Ben. I’ll be there at the trial, and no matter what happens, I love you.”

He felt his chest tighten as she left, filled with fear and with grief.

“I love you too,” he said quietly. She nodded at him gently, before leaving the room.

He had no idea what tomorrow would bring, and even though he didn’t deserve it, he hoped it would turn out okay.


End file.
